One Sail
by 347-Flavors
Summary: Penelope's story, but with a twist.


I try not to feel betrayed, but it comes and goes

It permeates my dreams and my thoughts

I try not to feel unwanted,

under-appreciated,

lonely

After all, he's home

And why should I feel as empty as I did when he was gone?

My husband left for war in Troy

When our son,

Telemakhos,

Was barely able to lift his chin

I cannot be angry at him for that departure

He resisted with all his might

Formulated a scheme to deceive

the war-hungry Akhaians

He feigned insanity, but was undone

When clever Palamedes

threatened our son

And so,

he was gone

For ten years the war dragged on

The people of my husband's island grew restless,

riotous,

unruly in their king's absence

Rumors spread around the fireplaces of Ithaka:

That great Odysseus was dead

Slain in battle

Or else driven mad by war.

But when a messenger was sent to announce High Agamemnon as victor, the Ithakans,

freed of all doubt and suspicion, made ready

for the homecoming

of their triumphant king

But he did not return

And the people tired of preparing

day in and day out

for a festival day that never

came

The rumors returned

Newly claiming he was drowned at sea

that he had given up

made his home on some other island along the way

that he had met a new woman with a beautiful face and a warm bed

that all his thoughts of home had withered and been blown off by thick bay winds

Suitors came to the island

Arrogant youths

some no older than my son

I could not

would not marry any one of them

I held out for my dear king and husband

as the suitors made a pigsty of my husband's hall

and made empty our wine cellars

Daily

I assured them that I would pick a new husband in time

But that it was not a decision for now

I said

my father-in-law was dying

I needed to weave his funeral shroud

once I finished

I told them

then one of these boy-men would reap his prize

I never finished the shroud

Every time I came close

my husband's memory bade me undo it all

That I did

constantly keeping the suitors at bay

never willing to dishonor my marital vows

never willing to admit that Odysseus would not be coming home tomorrow

I wept and worried my ladies in waiting

prayed to every god I could think of for my husband's safe passage home

And through it all

I never once thought of giving in

Of marrying one

of the handsome

headstrong youths

pursuing me

I always told myself to stay true

stay faithful

He would return for me

After twenty years of absence

he did return

And with a befitting flourish

whipping off a beggar's shroud to reveal

cunning and sly Odysseus

He killed the suitors and hung the handmaidens

whom were made their bedfellows

He proved himself to me

exchanging secrets only he and I would know

My heart swelled and I dissolved into tears

I dissolved into his arms

But it felt wrong

that night

as we lay

in our great bed

together

I still hurt

Felt unloved

As if my husband never had come home

as if this was just a pale facsimile of the real man

We had another child,

dear Poliporthes

While I was pregnant with the boy

round and full of bashful maternity

I heard that Telemakhos and dear Poliporthes

were not my husband's only sons

Nightly, I listened to ragged bards tell Odysseus' great story

the return home from triumph in Troy

the great and terrible Kyklopes

the nights spent with bewitching Kirke

with stunning Kalypso

One troubador won favor with my husband

for his attention to detail

and attention to his host's ego

But the man was turned out from the hall

After he described Telegonus and Ardeas and Latinus

and Nausinous

all children sired by the great Odysseus during his stays on Aiaia

and Ogygia

Tears welled in my eyes and I excused myself

but he did not follow

did not deny these names

these sons born of women

that were not his faithful wife

His wife who had waited years

waited longer than anyone thought she should have

swearing and vowing to stay true

And so

I feel betrayed

Had I known he would not have honored our bond

I would have chosen the strongest of the suitors

to be Ithaka's new king

Had I known he would not have been faithful Odysseus

I would not have been faithful Penelope

If only I had known

the emptiness

loneliness

indifference

would not end when he came home

If only I had known

his commitment

his love

was soluble

washed away

by the salty flume

of ocean


End file.
